How to Message First on Dating Apps (Without Sounding Desperate or Boring)

 

Why Your First Messages Get Ignored

You matched! 🎉 Now what?

Most first messages fall into one of two traps:

1. "Hey" (Too boring → ignored)

2. "You’re gorgeous 😍" (Too generic → ignored)

But the best first messages do three things:
✅ Stand out from other chats
✅ Spark curiosity so they want to reply
✅ Make replying easy (no essay responses needed)

Let’s fix your opener game.

 

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Step 1: Skip the "Hey" – Use These Instead

The Best First Message Formulas:

1. The "Tell Me More" Opener

👉 "Okay, I need to know the story behind your [photo with a llama/weird hobby mention]."
✅ Why it works: Targets something unique in their profile.

2. The "Would You Rather" Game

👉 *"Quick: Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?"*
✅ Why it works: Playful + zero-pressure response.

3. The "Help Me Decide" Hack

👉 "I’m debating between tacos or sushi tonight. You seem like a food expert—what’s the move?"
✅ Why it works: Makes them feel useful (and hints at a date idea).

4. The "Roast Me" Twist

👉 "I’ll be honest: I swiped right for your dog. How do I win them over?"
✅ Why it works: Funny + shows you actually looked at their profile.

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Step 2: Avoid These Common Mistakes

🚫 Over-complimenting ("You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen" → feels insincere)
🚫 Asking boring questions ("How was your weekend?" → yawn)
🚫 Being too sexual ("Let’s skip the small talk" → instant unmatch)

Pro Tip: If their profile is empty, try:
👉 "Alright, I’ll go first: Three truths and a lie about me. Ready?"

 

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Step 3: How to Keep the Conversation Going

Got a reply? Don’t blow it.

🔥 Best follow-ups:

• "Okay, but now I need to hear your most embarrassing karaoke story."

• "Wait, you actually like pineapple on pizza? This might be a dealbreaker." (Playful debate)

• "Cool, so when are we testing your [hobby they mentioned] skills IRL?" (Subtle date hint)

💀 Worst follow-ups:

• "So… what do you do for work?" (Interview mode)

• "You’re cute." (Dead-end convo)

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Bonus: What to Do If They Stop Replying

Don’t panic. Try the 2-step revive:

1. Wait 3-5 days (Don’t double-text immediately)

2. Send a playful nudge:

   • "Okay, I know you didn’t just ghost me mid-debate about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie."

   • "I’ll let you off the hook… if you recommend one good Netflix show."

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Now Go Get Those Replies!

🚀 Want more? Try Fluttr’s Message Doctor for custom feedback on your chats.

💬 Your turn: What’s the best first message you’ve ever received? Share below! 👇